I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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