I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
