My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
