Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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