I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
