I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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