Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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