I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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