dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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