Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
well you can't waste a boner
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
