Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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