tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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