Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We had sex on a dog bed..
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
