DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
