im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
