i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
