How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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