nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
