Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
