The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
