We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
