He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm eating all of the evidence.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
