normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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