Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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