Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
is wine microwaveable?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
