her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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