Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
