Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
