Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
