sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
