How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
