A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
