This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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