Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Never joke about your clitoris.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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