We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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