A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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