nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
