Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
