I could make wine with my vomit
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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