Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
