if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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