I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
