So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
