it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
