She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
