is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
