Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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