Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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