filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
