She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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