i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
