Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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